Posts Tagged: Release
Monkeys Are Brainwashing Us!
The monkeys have been your puppet masters
They are whispering in your ear at every turn, you just don’t know it yet. They are everywhere you are, in your home, at your work, in your dreams – everywhere. You want to do things one way, they command you to do it another. They want to keep you under control by suppressing your will to be something greater. They are devilishly sneaky and have controlled you by manipulating your emotional hot-zones with cunning, and razor sharp skill. Today, we blow the lid off of their clandestine nature and bring to light the truth of their evil monkey ways.
Life can be hard, at least until we make the conscious decision to live with ease and grace. Being human comes withsome conditions and challenges that can’t be changed – such as the need for food, water and shelter. From the time we are born we develop traits that serve us for a while, but then those traits expand to become hurdles, roadblocks and burdens that drag us down and make life difficult. They are like little monkeys that jump on our backs and cling like Velcro. The more monkeys we carry, the heavier the burden and the slower we move through life. These monkeys whisper in our ear and tell us lies about ourselves and these lies control us in unhealthy ways.
Do you want to control of your life, or let the monkeys do it?
Losing the monkeys is just a matter of convincing them that their lies are wrong. Do that and they will fall away. You’ll be lightened and astonished at just how much each monkey slowed you down. Start living your journey with greater ease, grace, peace, and more empowered conscious control.
Tell the Monkey it’s Wrong.
The monkey’s role is to tell us lies about ourselves. It might chatter in our ear that we are unworthy, fearful, unintelligent or lack some skill or attribute to make us successful. We silence the monkey when we convince it that it’s wrong, and we can do this by affirming the Truth of who we really are. An ideal pathway to this end is through the power of affirmations.
An affirmation at it’s simplest is a statement of truth that you wish to ingrain into your consciousness through reading and/or speaking. Affirmations work by telling our subconscious the things we want to change by convincing it they have already changed. – basically stating: “this is now the way it is. ”
We are in essence, reprogramming our mind to behave in a manner we want it to. This is a great pathway to get unstuck from old patterns that no longer serve us, or that we find to be unhealthy or toxic in our current conditions.
The concept is quite simple. We craft a sentence or two that states what we want to change in our minds so it reads as if it has already changed and how it might look in application. Please try to include the words now and always in some context so the mind understands your intention clearly. For instance, if we want to take self doubt out of our minds, the statement might look something like this:
” I am now filled with confidence in every situation and make every decision with the knowing that the outcome will be perfect and serve me in the highest. ” (every substitutes always in this context)
-or-
“At every encounter or decision crossroad, I am brimming with healthy vibrant confidence that guides me to make correct decisions and take proper action. This or something better now manifests in me ~ thank you God!”
There is another form of affirmation that we use here at Empower-Yourself.com, and we find it to be more powerful in our own lives, the combination of denials with affirmations.
The affirmation tells our mind what we are to become, the denial tells the mind what to release so it does not creep back in. Metaphorically , we are taking out the trash before we bring in the new. By removing the old muck we are clearing the obsolete reactions while creating the new and this has proven to be more effective for us. The denial part of this is not what most of us might think of when we use that word, after-all, denying that we have a condition when we do is a little crazy. What we deny is a conditions ability to control us – we deny it’s power over us and thus are re-mind-ing our conscious and subconscious that we are indeed in control.
A well crafted denial will list the condition or conditions you seek to change, and either it’s inability to control you, or that it is no longer a part of your experience.
“Self-doubt is no longer in control.”
Combined with the affirmation we sweep clean the old and bring in the new thusly:
“Self-doubt is no longer in control. I am now filled with confidence in every situation and make every decision with the knowing that the outcome will be perfect and serve me in the highest. ”
Keep your denial affirmations to one topic at a time unless they are directly linked as in this example with fear doubt and worry:
“Fear doubt and worry have no power over me. At every encounter or decision crossroad, I am brimming with healthy vibrant confidence that guides me to make correct decisions and take proper action. This or something better now manifests in me ~ thank you God!”
Now let’s add a final finishing touch with an action you will take should the “demonic monkey” try to creep back in.
“If I ever feel fear, doubt or worry, I place may hand on my heart, gently breath and remind myself that I choose love, peace and confidence. ”
Altogether now:
“Fear doubt and worry have no power over me. At every encounter or decision crossroad, I am brimming with healthy vibrant confidence that guides me to make correct decisions and take proper action. If I ever feel fear, doubt or worry, I place my hand on my heart, gently breath and remind myself that I choose love, peace and confidence. This or something better now manifests in me ~ thank you God!”
Practical application
An affirmation should be used at least three times a day for at minimum 32 days. If you are experiencing change after those 32 days, you may include another denial affirmation for another issue, but continue the first denial affirmation until you know the change in you is complete.
If you are new to affirmations, having reminders can be valuable to your success. Simply knowing the technique is not enough, you must put the treatment into practice for it to work.
- Set a reminder in your smartphone
- Pick specific times during the day that you will remember such as before you eat a meal – you can treat it as or include it with your mealtime blessing.
- Set Google calendar daily reminders.
- Use a cheap digital timer from the dollar store.
- Find a partner who is doing affirmations and arrange to remind each other or to do them together.
- Additionally, include your affirmation in your prayer times.
You may find it handy to print out a little card you can carry in your pocket or purse. If you are using Google calendar, you can put the text right into the event and it will show when you get the reminder.
Remember the affirmation by heart so you no longer need the card, this can make the treatment more effective.
Summary
The more we empower ourselves, to more we realize that it we always had the power, we just used it in unhealthy ways. We were choosing old ways often because we simply didn’t know any other way. Affirmations are an excellent way to ease into change over many days or several weeks. If we chose to make a change before we are forced to change, we allow ourselves to side-step the cosmic 2×4 and the pain that comes with it.
If you have questions or would like some assistance, let us know in the comments below or reach out via our contact us page. We hold all consultations in complete confidence. Please feel free to share your affirmations with our readers!
Namaste!
Struggling
I want you to know that everyone struggles with something in their life. Everyone, no matter how serene their outside facade, has inner demons and struggles.
I am reminded of that anytime a couple who I thought had it all splits up. Or when some gorgeous, young, vibrant person takes their own life. Or when a family is shattered by unseen forces.
I think one of the hardest things in this life is the inner voice that is so hard on us. It knows the secret thoughts of doubt, anger, self recrimination, unworthiness, and the times when you know you didn’t live up to who you want to be. That voice’s world is dark and cold. And it usually surfaces when we’re tired and stretched leaving us more vulnerable to accepting that voice as the voice of truth.
I find myself working through some deep thoughts in the middle of the night. It may seem like the best time, the outside world is quiet, there are no distractions, but it’s actually when my defenses are down and that negative voice seems its loudest. I know I’ve hit the wall of Out of Control when I worry about when the last time the kitchen floor was mopped. But I don’t always hit that well recognized wall. Most of the time, I stop short and just wallow at the base of the wall, unable to sleep and unable to work through the issue with my sleep deprived reasoning skills.
In the morning light, my fears and worries are put back into perspective. They shrink back and are replaced with my life’s missions and obligations and by the affirmations of those around me who find me valuable and worthy. Yes, there are days when the shadows sneak in but in the daylight, those shadows are not overwhelming.
So, what do you do when the shadows seem to be overtaking you?
My simple answer is pray. Pray to your Higher Power, God, Allah, Jesus, Messiah, All That Is, and surrender the fear and the doubts and the worries that are swirling around. Imagine gathering all the darkness and putting it in a basket or a box and handing it over to the Great Light of the Universe. Imagine this basket/box being lifted from your hands and feel the weight of it being removed from your being. Feel your fingers releasing the basket/box. Let it go. Don’t reach for it again.
Feel that sense that you are safe and that your biggest worries are being handled by someone who has more knowledge than you do. It’s safe here. You are safe.
Close your eyes and imagine a great sunrise on all those shadow thoughts. Blasted in the light of knowingness and centeredness, they are gone. Shadow thoughts cannot stand in the light.
You have the power within you to raise the light of your being any time of day. As I sit here at 3:32 AM, I know that my light and my God rise inside of me and banish all those shadows thoughts. I am an expression of God, full of worthiness, confidence, wisdom, power, zeal. There is no situation here that can overtake the light of who I am.
Grounded in this wisdom, I sleep.
Who else wants God to stop testing them? – A Path to Peace.
The good news is that the Divine One does not test us – at least that’s my take. Allow me to explain.
God is Love. Love has no need to test — it believes in you completely. God does not lead anyone into temptation, into failure nor into something you are not prepared to handle.
Our master teacher Jesus tells us that God does not judge.
We are all equal in the eyes of the divine. There are no favorites.
God granted us free will. Not kinda-free will, not sorta-free will, not partial-or-when-I-feel-like-it-free will. To say that God has put us in a situation goes against what I understand the Christian Scriptures tell us. Feel free to comment on this or any part of this post below if you have a different interpretation or understanding you would like to share.
The only one testing you is… well, you. Testing is a human concept for the demonstration of understanding. If you believe that the Divine is capable of knowing what is in your heart, then would any test be unnecessary to satisfy God? The actions of Jesus do not appear to support the idea that God tests us. His example appears to be to the opposite. When one or more of the disciples were unsteady in principles, his comments were more around: “Have you no faith?”, “Where is your faith?” The tests were always about them and by them. It was seemingly about their perception of the events combined with their personal faith. Did Jesus say, “this is The Father’s test for you”
We come into alignment with new Truths when we are ready, and if it feels to you like a test, it could be that you are still in a stage where conscious effort is required to apply the new understandings. If it’s not second nature to you yet, don’t sweat it. Be grateful for the opportunity to practice and move through it with grace using the fullest expression of the Truth that you can at that moment.
We may think of it as a test merely because the new awakening or the condition is something that is freshly in our awareness. The opportunities have been there all along, we are just now awake enough to see them. We might think of it as a test because we lack faith in our own understandings. If we doubt ourselves, there is room for some false perception of failure. With the idea of failure in our consciousness, we may unconsciously go looking for opportunities to practice our new understandings. Perhaps ego may be at the heart of this — putting us into situations where we can fail in our growth so ego can survive.
We live truths to the extent of our willingness to do so. Sometimes, for whatever reasoning, we are not willing to step fully into a principle. So we step into a situation where that Truth is to be expressed, we embrace it halfheartedly and the outcome isn’t as wonderful as we would like. Much like when we were a child and were asked to clean our bedrooms. If you weren’t into doing it, and how many of us really had a ‘passion’ for cleaning our rooms, the end result my have been “okay” on the surface but we knew in our hearts we could have done more. We just wanted to get on with it and get back to play time.
To my way of thinking, “test” is merely a label we apply to events in our lives where we feel unsteady. Events where we have a chance to practice understandings that we feel are not our strongest. Have you noticed, when applying a principle becomes second nature, you gradually stop calling it a test? What changed? Well you did, at the very least, your point of view changed. You decided to stop applying the label. If we get to make the call on when it stops being a test, then is it really God submitting the test?
So here is your take away:
We here at Empower-Yourself.com always honor your perceptions on your path. It is YOUR path and you are your own best guide and you certainly get to chose how to walk it. Regardless of your views on life’s “tests”, the ideas below may assist you in bringing personal empowerment and peace into your life.
To live more fully empowered: Stop labeling events as a test. If you are seeing it as a test and have the mindset of “this is for a grade, I better do good”, then you are coming from a place un-empowered – perhaps even a place of fear. If you “do the right thing” because you have chosen to, now you are living empowered. I suspect we all understand how much we prefer to do what we want to do over what we have to do. Feel the difference? Coming from the empowering space makes room for joy, passion and a life of happiness in everything you are doing.
To live more fully in peace: release the idea that events are some test that was manufactured for you and see it for what it is. Just another event in the continuous, unbroken and overlapping string of events we call life. Work through it with the integrity you have and all the Love you can, and you will come through the other side with the highest and best outcome possible to you at that moment.
6 Incredibly Useful Ways to Stop Making Mountains out of Molehills
Over inflating our responses can become such a distraction, we fail to see the truth of the situation. When we step away and allow ourselves to see conditions from heightened clarity, we are in a much better place to make good decisions from an empowered space. Here are six useful ways to stop making mountains out of those molehills.
1) It’s only big if you make it big, so stop making it bigger than it really is: One man’s hill-side is another man’s mountain-side. The difference is perception. If one had only lived on flat ground, then a 300 ft. high hill might appear mountainous. On the other hand, growing up in the Andes on a 14,00o ft. peak, a man might think of a 5,000 ft. peak as a simple hill. In neither case did the size of the hill change, only the perception of it’s size, and perception is a creation of the human imagination. Change the way you think and you change size of the obstacle. Even the largest mountain is traversed one step at a time.
2) Stop stacking it on: When we see a small obstacle as a large one, we sometimes begin piling new obstacles right on top that give us “excuses” for not moving forward.
- Fear leads to inaction
- Lazyness leads to inaction
- We gather evidence that “excuses us from action”
- Guilt develops for not dealing with it right away
- Frustration as deadlines loom
- More Guilt – for lack of action
- More Fear – now that it’s bigger
- More Frustration – “Now how will I EVER deal with this?”
3) Commit to stop seeing obstacles as problems and begin viewing them as “projects”: Any obstacle can be overcome when steps are taken — just like it takes a series of steps required to complete a project. When we label something as a ” problem” we put an imaginary burdening weight on it that can freeze us in our tracks like a deer in the headlights. Start viewing it as a project and the freezing oppression is allowed to fall away. Then our thoughts and efforts are available for motion.
4) Take action in a constructive direction – any action. Just MOVE: Don’t wait for the perfect plan to fall into place. If there was such a thing as a perfect plan, it wouldn’t stay perfect for long anyhow. As we move through the “plan” unforeseen changes are going to arise and alter our course. Knowing this allows us to expect change and this tells us we must remain flexible. And knowing we must be flexible allows space for us to stay out of panic when changes arise. Anticipate change and you have nothing to fear. So stop nit picking a plan and just move! As long as you have forward motion, it will work it’s way out however it needs to regardless of any “planning” you might do. Cease motion however, and the molehill will continue to expand.
5) Stop the whining. Complaining serves only to tell yourself and those around you that you are too weak to change the situation. After all, if you actually had the power to change things, wouldn’t you be putting your efforts into actually changing it? Complaining does nothing but deepen your conviction that something is not going your way and you are powerless to effect change. You DO have the power to change, so empower yourself! Stop complaining and put your mental and physical resources towards a constructive outcome. Constructive behavior leads to smaller hills. Destructive behavior just makes bigger mountains that YOU eventually get to traverse.
6) Multitasking is a myth. We can only focus on one thing at a time. “Multi-tasking” or what I am coining in this very post as: Scatter-Braining™ is merely shifting focus from one task to another and back again – never really putting your best efforts into either one. It’s like trying to run up two hills at the same time, only you have to run back and forth between them to make progress. Just wasted effort. Pick the hill that requires your attention and focus focus focus. When your mind gets going, the mental momentum will build and tasks will get accomplished faster with greater efficacy. Keep flinging your focus around like a sloppy mop and if things do get accomplished, you may find that the efforts don’t meet expectation and you have to revisit them to clean up the spatter. This just means more work and that equals a bigger hill.
Stop Resisting Resistance! The Wind In Your Hair is Natural
Today’s post is a transcript of our talk delivered to the Chapel at Red Rocks, Denver Colorado on June 09, 2013.
Let’s talk wind.
What comes to your mind when we say “wind?”
Does wind bring up good feelings or bad feelings? Why? Did you have an experience that colored the way you think or feel about wind?
**Melissa**
When I was 10, we moved to Omaha, NE……. and any of you who have ever visited or passed through Nebraska know about the prairie wind. I loved the wind. I would stand, or attempt to stand, out in the wide open fields with my arms stretched out and sing in my loudest voice. The wind carried my voice away and I only heard the rush of the air by my ears and not my own voice. I would lean way into the wind – just to see how far I could lean and not fall over. It was pretty far! Until, of course, the wind stopped for just a moment and I met the turned up earth in that field.
But the Nebraska wind brought scary moments too. Tornados were not something I’d ever even thought about. Paying attention to the color of the sky, or the sounds in the air, or all the other grown up ways that tell of the potential of danger was not in my awareness. But at 10, I learned quickly to grab cushions and the dogs and head to the basement. But I still loved the wind on the sunny days…… out in the field, singing at the top of my lungs.
When I was 18, I lived in Boulder in an old dorm room with windows on three sides. Any of you who have ever visited or passed through Boulder know about the wind….. smile……..
I hated that wind! It messed up my hair (it was the 80’s – you remember how much time we all took on our hair in the 80’s),it blew my clothes all around, and howled at all hours of the night. And this is the idea of wind I carry with me now, not the delight of my youth but of the howling, destructive force that has come into my adult understanding.
And yet, it just is. The wind is just something that is in this world we share. Not something to fight against or get angry with or think of as a personal tormentor.
**John**
When we move – either by walking, running, riding a bike, motorcycle, car, horse, boat or roller coaster – we experience our own personal “wind.” Even on the stillest of days, when we move, we perceive a breeze, don’t we? Even now, if you take your bulletin and fan yourself, you feel the rush of air. But it took you doing something, some movement from you, to create this personal wind experience.
Einstein said — Nothing happens in the universe until something moves. And this applies not only to mass but all forms of energy. Stuff doesn’t randomly start moving in an unknown direction. It takes a force, an idea, a pull, or a push to make motion happen.
In 1665 Sir Isaac Newton proposed three Laws of Motion.
The first law says — in layman’s terms: If an object is not moving, it will not start moving by itself. If an object is moving, it will not stop or change direction unless something pushes against it.
**Melissa**
There’s nothing personal about this law. Like gravity, it just is. If you are stuck in something, a bad job, a bad mindset, a bad relationship, a repetitive thought process or a mud puddle, it’s going to take force – or an action – from you to get going again. Depending on the weight of the situation and your resistance to change, it may take a great force. There are external forces that create movement and internal forces that create movement and both of them can meet resistance. Think of one situation in your own life where you knew there was a better way and you moved to change your own circumstances.
**John**
When we walk, run or ride that roller coaster, we meet some resistance on our face in the form of the wind, as we move from one point to another. Let’s say for this moment that the wind is a metaphor for the resistance to change. So when you started to change your situation, what resistance did you feel?
Coined by Maria Nemeth, the term “Trouble at the border” describes the resistance WE create in our own lives. The actions we take as a result of the inner voices of doubt – what the Buddhists call “Monkey Mind”. The sabotage can be as subtle as an inner nagging that creates doubt and slows us, or as upfront and obvious as the fear that stops us in our tracks. Sometimes this saboteur shows up like a sneaky little spy that encourages us to go into “evidence gathering mode” where we collect supporting evidence or false intelligence that tries to convince us monkey mind was indeed right all along.
**Melissa**
Have you ever said “The universe OBVIOUSLY doesn’t want me to do this because look at all this resistance to my attempts.” Did it feel like the resistance was personal? Like God just didn’t want you to walk this path?….
Really? Do you think that the universe/God has nothing better to do than to test you this very minute? There is nothing personal about the resistance or the wind. It just is.
**John**
Now, we’re not suggesting that you ignore the wind or the resistance…….. because that would be like asking you to ignore the sunshine or the rain – impossible right?
It’s unwise not to prepare for the wind. It’s unwise not to evaluate the next step and possibly make adjustments to the “plan.” Do you need to take a coat or do you need to change your way of getting there? Is the end goal something worth pushing through or redirecting around the resistance or does the goal itself need an adjustment?
**Melissa**
We all label things and events, real or imagined. Most of the time, labels serve us properly: Peas versus corn, cars versus trucks, green versus blue.
**John**
However , at times our labels are merely the sneaky side of monkey-mind tricking us into limiting thought. Right versus wrong, bad versus good, positive or negative, should have, could have, success, failure – all are limiting judgements
**Melissa**
The resistance, and the labels, and the thoughts, and the woulda, shoulda, might haves swirl in our heads creating chaos and stress. In Mark 4:35-40, Jesus and the disciples were in the midst of a storm crossing a lake in a boat. The disciples were frightened by the turmoil and what appeared to be their impending demise.
**John**
Remember that Unity teaches us that each person, place and event in the Bible represents some part of us or our story. The disciples represent all of our faculties – Faith | Strength | Wisdom | Love | Power | Imagination | Understanding | Will | Order | Zeal | Elimination | Life — These 12 faculties, the “disciples” were in an uproar, because they fully claimed the reality of the storm (the resistance in getting from one place to another) they were deeply in the chaos of their own struggle. Jesus knowing the Truth, not only was unshaken but was so unconcerned that He was sleeping on the bow! Awakened by the fearful voices of the disciples, Jesus (higher thinking) calmed the storm (or struggle) by simply stating “Peace, be still.” Scripture states that they made this journey with other boats – which can be viewed as other people. The storm can be seen as a creation of the culmination of thoughts from all on the journey – or tribal thought. Higher thinking stills the waters not just for one boat, but for all.
**Melissa**
When Jesus stated peace be still, the winds stopped and the waves calmed and *everyone* was able to think clearly again. Jesus is our example, not our exception. What He has done, we too can do [John 14:12]. So when the winds of resistance threaten to swamp your boat, remind yourself — Peace, Be Still and allow the Divine Peace to calm your fears and your worries. The disciples labeled the resistance as bad, Jesus made it neither good nor bad.
**John**
So can we release the good/bad labels and just see events for what they are: Just a connected series of happenings that are part of a long string of events that we label life. Release the judgment, and our thoughts formally pre-occupied on limited thinking, are now freed to remember with genuine clarity.
**Melissa**
Resistance is often thought of in a negative way, but like everything we encounter on our journey, it is there to serve us if we remain awake and aware.
**John**
Knowing that resistance *is* inevitable empowers us to watch for it and use it to our benefit. Resistance can be embraced rather than challenged.
**Melissa**
When resistance is encountered and noticed, take the opportunity to pause, look around and reassess. Where might I be moving too fast? Where might I be moving too slow? Where can I put greater or more mindful effort toward improving this particular path?” Understand that resistance is the Divine throttle helping us avoid moving into territory that we are not yet prepared for.
**John**
Knowing that resistance is inevitable should free us from the surprise when it shows up. So if we are no longer surprised by it, can we give ourselves permission release the need to create stress around it? We know it’s coming, we can stop being alarmed by it.
**Melissa**
And for the Star Trek Fans: Resistance to Resistance is not only futile, it might just be downright silly.
**John**
When we release the need to resist resistance we discover there is no “bad” in it. There is only good, there is only God and God is only Good.
**Melissa**
Every event in life *can* hold a learning opportunity, but it’s not necessarily there *AS* a lesson. We can *choose* to learn from it, but it’s not a class requirement. John & I have come to believe that it’s not about learning the lesson but about *remembering* and reclaiming the Truth.
**John**
We believe that the Universe has better things to do than micro-manage our remembering and our lives. Our master teacher Jesus tells us that God does not dole out favors, nor dole out punishment nor does God give out grades.
Resistance is not a result of wrong-doing or right-doing or missed “lessons” but a positive serving attribute of the Divine. We are all the same in the eyes of God so resistance is neither greater nor lesser for any individuals. We ALL experience resistance and we ALL have the choice to allow it to serve us. The difference is what we each choose to do with it.
**Melissa**
So the next time you feel wind (resistance) blowing through your hair see it as an indication of your forward movement. It’s a gentle reminder to continue your mindful motion. It’s a gentle reminder to apply mindful energy to any situation. And a gentle reminder to enjoy the experience, lean into the wind and sing at the top of your lungs!
So our assignment for you this week is to be on the lookout for resistance, and when you find it, turn your thoughts to your advantage rather than seeing a limiting force.
**John**
A Path to Peace – Moving Past the Attachments.
So far in our Path to Peace series we have had a look into what an unhealthy attachment is and how we can spot them. Seems the next logical step is moving past any attachments that lead to suffering and towards a life of peace.
We have all heard the “Go with the flow” attitude and “Let go and let God”, but often we miss the actual letting go part. We toss the issue into the fire only to reach in, grab the hot embers and get burned in the process. We want to let go but just won’t step deeply enough into faith to let that happen fully. It’s our attachments to the outcome that cripple us from releasing fully into the flow of the Divine. The Loving Spirit of God wants to provide for us all that we need and desire. God wants us to be at peace and filled with joy!
Great spiritual masters as well as today’s modern mental doctors have professed the benefits quiet contemplation can have on the mind and body. Master Teacher Jesus tells us in scriptures to enter the inner chamber and from there, pray in quiet. Something almost magical happens when we enter a space of internal silence. With gentle practice we begin to quiet the mind, calm the body and awaken the Perfect Consciousness that resides with in us and is patiently waiting for us to allow it to reveal. This is a place of consciousness where we commune with God, the Divine, Spirit, Allah, Jehovah…
From this place we learn it is safe to ask the tough questions and get the answers that can move us into the next level of our being. It is from this space of silence that we can look deep within, and with an intention of being honest with ourselves, find our attachments and seek the answers to letting go.
Many of our attachments are deeply programmed because we have hauled them around with us for decades and they have become automatic responses and they originate from all areas of life
- From our parents who yelled and threw anger in our direction when we did not meet their expectations and so we have learned to do the same.
- Lack of approval from those who we viewed as authoritarian such as teachers or care-givers so we do improper things to get approval.
- Mainstream media such as commercials that insist we must look a certain way to be beautiful and movies that show us how tough a man should be.
- Songs we might hear teach us that we must feel suffering when we lose a valued relationship and that it is okay to take revenge when it happens.
- Some musical expressions try to teach us to hate authority and the law.
- The examples of friends and family who showed us that they hated their ex-spouse so we assume we should do the same.
- Some are so deeply permeated in tribal thought that we may be challenged daily or hourly to avoid regressing into our old ways. “My religion is the only right religion” or the condition of Political Hypochondria that has infected our world are both good examples.
Day 1. Taking the first step – discovery: Here is an exercise I use. When a situation brings up stress in my life (in whatever form that might be) I go inside and look for where in my being the stress was triggered, what kind of stress is it – fear, anger, resentment, disappointment, disgust? With clarity on the emotion, I am better prepared to drill into the root attachments.
Day 2 – 3 Investigation: The goal here is to take your awareness of the emotion and allow it to guide you to find what you are attaching to. Being complex individuals, we each respond to our attachments in our own way, so you will have to use your own life experiences to help you in the process.
Some tips that may help:
- Recall similar situations where the same emotional response surfaced. What is common between them?
- Fear is sometimes masked as anger. For instance the fear of losing something might result in anger surfacing. It looks like anger, might even feel like anger but something in the pit of your stomach tells you it’s fear. Fear of judgement can manifest as anger when a person lashes out from a comment or remark they find demeaning.
- If your anger is a fight or flight response, there is a good chance it’s based in ego. Something in the ego feels the need to defend or protect itself so it does so with a show of superiority through aggression.
- Sadness can be a sign of grief and grief can be an indication of loss. Look for what you “lost” in the situation and this will lead to finding the attachment.
- Fear of loss may bring jealousy – an example of multi-layered attachments. Fear and loss are two separate yet connected issues. Each can exist without the other, but one can trigger the other. Loss issues arise from attachment to some “thing” in your world and fear is based in a perceived lack of safety or security. A jealous lover may be attached to control (security) in the relationship (the “thing”)
When I first began healing attachments it took some time to get my head fully into the action of investigation. After practice, when the emotion is discovered, the attachment often reveals itself right away but sometimes it ,might be a little stubborn and I’ll have to “sit” with it for a while. My method is to hold the “intention” to discover and heal the attachment, but I won’t actively pursue it. In its own perfect time it reveals itself. So if the attachment does not come to you, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t let yourself get attached to finding the attachment! Let go of any feeling of need to find it. In time it will reveal itself. Plant the right seed, nurture it and it will come to bear fruit.
Day 4 and on. Once the attachment is uncovered, the release work begins.
Giving yourself permission to heal is critical. The suffering may be so deeply integrated into your life that you have resistance to to letting it go. You may feel like you don’t know any other way to live than the way you are living now. In other words, you are attached to the suffering that comes from attachment!
- Can you allow yourself to be okay with not being okay? This is to say that you give yourself permission to accept that you have room for healing. Without this, you will experience persistent resistance to change.
For some it may have to begin with forgiveness work.
- Forgiveness is for the benefit of self first. Carrying resentments and pain towards others does nothing to the other person, but instead toxifies our own life. Refusing to forgive is denying yourself the power to make a positive change – it is much like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Give yourself permission to put down the burdens and move on.
- A lost friendship from misunderstandings may require forgiving yourself for your part in the exchange. This is not to say you should dwell on your being “right”, but coming to a realization of how you may have handled it better and forgiving yourself for your past actions. Once you clearly see your part in the matter, you are far more prepared to forgive your friend. Look for the log in your eye before trying to remove the splinter from theirs.
- Childhood related issues such as abuse, bullying and neglect may have serious effects on adulthood. One of the joys of attachment work is the freedom to live in the moment rather than dragging around the past. Our past prepares us, it does not define us. As our own best guides on our paths, we are free to change our minds and make the choice to live in the now, free from the illusionary bondage of our past.
You may work through the grief process when releasing long held attachments that were falsely associated with their personal view of their identity.
- Brea the Beekeeper: “I am a beekeeper and was fired” – Brea, is not realizing that the truth of who she truly is as a loving expression of the divine – a spiritual being having a human experience. Beekeeper is a job, not her true identity. Releasing the attachment to the job as her identity might be difficult for Brea as she deeply feels she has lost a part of herself. By freeing from the attachments of the job title as identity, she is now freed to discover greater truths and higher possibilities in her next career. The divine never closes a door without leaving another one open. Attachments can blind us from seeing the open doors that are right there in front of us.
- My mother was an addict and I was withheld affection and stability as a child. When sober, she was engrossed in her distractions and as the day progressed so did her state of intoxication. I and a few of my siblings were born with physical defects as a result of the daily toxins she ingested during her pregnancies. My upbringing was filled with family anger and resentment. While my father and my siblings did their best to be a stable presence in my life it didn’t overcome the repercussions of the anger. I used to identify myself with being the child of an alcoholic. In school it served me in an unhealthy way. Counselors first, then teachers would give me a break when homework was late because “you know… poor little John’s mom is a drinker.” I learned very early on that this would get me out of certain things at school. In my mind, it was the perfect excuse! Unfortunately, I fully bought into the story and gradually identified with it. With my attachment to it, I fell further into self-pity, self-doubt and low self-esteem. Eventually, I grew to understand that this past did not have to define me. I remember, as I began the release work, I would go through typical stages of grief – the sadness, the bargaining with God, emotional swings, and more. While I have come a great distance, over two decades later, from time to time I still get opportunities to work with this.
Like any skill, practice makes better. The great joy in this practice is that you reap amazing rewards in the quality of your life. You blossom, your relationships sweeten and peace emerges where once there was suffering. Embrace your past for it has brought you to where you are today and prepared you for your new, fresh and exciting life that is unfolding before your very eyes right here, right now.
Blessings
A Path to Peace – Spotting Attachments
It is fairly easy to spot attachments once their symptoms are in your awareness.
Some spiritual teachings offer that the ego is the enemy. I see the ego as potential master or potential servant. The ego can serve us if we are willing to keep vigilant awareness to its attachments. The ego is not just the base survival instinct that can pit us against each other, but it also can be the driving force that will move us out of suffering and into a better space. When anger arises out of ego as a result of an unmet expectation or from a word or two that offended you, or from someone cutting you off in traffic, you have an opportunity to seek what it is that you feel the need to protect.
Attachments lead to lack of compassion and understanding in other’s situations. When things become all about “me,” this is a solid sign that an unhealthy attachment is at work. We are all one with the Divine and with each other. There is no me and you, only us. We are here to work together in each other’s best interests. My way or the highway mentalities create limitations in our lives that would not exist if we were fully co-creative with those we share life with.
Closed-mindedness from selfish attachments manifest actions that damages us, and puts others at risk for harm. Closed-minded attachment to religious beliefs, dogmas and philosophies have been at the root of violent psychotic behaviors for millennium. These “I am right and you are wrong” attachments have caused immeasurable death, destruction and suffering. From the basic back-yard childhood brawl, to all-out genocide, unhealthy attachments are at the root of the behavior.
Part one of this series briefly mentions the sneaky and hard to spot nature of some attachments, so here I offer a few places that I have discovered sneaky attachments in myself and others.
Argumentative or aggressive listening: Are you actively listening with the intention of hearing and valuing what the other person has to say with the same level of respect you deserve, or are you formulating your rebuttal, your argument or your disagreement? If you are not listening properly then an unhealthy attachment to your point of view may be at work. It’s perfectly okay to have an opinion of your own, but when you are closing down to the thoughts and opinions of others, you may be limiting yourself and them from discovering together a better way to a higher end result.
Being too agreeable: In almost stark contradiction to what you just read, constant agreement could be a sign of attachment to being accepted by others, or it may manifest from an attachment to avoid conflict. If you have something valuable to contribute that may go against the opinions of the status-quo, refusing to add it to the mix could easily be a disservice to the highest and best outcome for all involved. The key is to present it from a point of view that is helpful and constructive to the conversation, and avoid dismissing other views as being incorrect, invalid or simply wrong. Focus on communicating in a way that lifts up conversations and those involved rather than tearing things down.
Loyalty to a brand or style of music: Seems crazy doesn’t it? After all, when you like something, you just simply like it. What could possibly be unhealthy about that? Liking something is just fine, but when it comes to a point that you like it so much you dismiss other options simply because they don’t fit the mold, then you have crossed the line into attachment. We like things such as a type of music or a specific brand of ice cream because it brings us some form of pleasure or maybe we trust a brand of car for it’s dependability. It’s perfectly fine to like something, just don’t close your mind to other alternatives. When we refuse to see or experience other options, and sometimes we do so with great disdain, we limit our possibilities for something greater to unfold.
And the extra sneaky: Attachments may have layers. One or more attachments may be the symptom of a deeper attachment at work.
Some example standout symptoms of attachment to watch for are:
- Anger
- Jealousy
- Envy
- Fear
- Frustration
- Sadness
- Grief
Any of those may be an outward expression of an unhealthy attachment to something tangible, such as a relationship or material possession, or something less tangible such as an unmet expectation – like a son or daughter not cleaning their room. While having a clean room is a good thing, your response to the child not following your direction will help guide you to discovery of any attachments. Is your ego under attack because they failed to honor your parental authority, or can you respond to the situation without fear, anger or resentment? There is little we can actually do to “control” another human being. Even at a very young age we have our own capacity for thought and decision making. Having attachment to being “right” and “in-charge” as a parent can reach an unhealthy level. Control is an illusion anyway. Teach right thinking and right choices get made. Try to control someone, even a child, and they will seek to express their own control over the situation and resistance ensues. We can always try to use fear, but is that what we want to teach our future leaders; that ruling with fear is better than careful listening, proper thinking and proper action? Pick your attachments carefully and thoughtfully.
Feel free to chime-in with any attachment symptoms you have uncovered in the comments below.
Next up: Moving past the attachments.
A Path to Peace – Are You Bound by Your Attachments>
Who is serving who – Time to purge?
We all have it. Stuff. Things. Material goods. Every item in our life has amazing potential power you may not be aware of. Things in our lives have the power to serve us in ways that can enhance our present state of being, and they have the power to suck the life out of our day. I invite you to think about it this way: If the item makes your life easier it is serving you. If the item burdens you, you may be serving it.
It started harmlessly enough, with a seasonal cleaning of the garage. After the fifth or sixth time of stepping over a pet travel crate I began to get frustrated with the entire ordeal – I had been stepping over and around this thing for months. When I get frustrated I know it’s a sign for me that I am either bumping up against my own limiting thoughts, or a blockage of flow. In these cases I have a ritual that helps me: I take a gentle deep breath and drop my attention to my heart space. I feel the love in my heart and I ask for Divine guidance. In this I was quickly reminded of the question: “Is it serving you, or are you serving it?” from a chapter in the book The Prosperity Paradigm by friend and once-upon-a-time mentor: Steve D’Anunnzio.
The concept is simple really. If something in your life either saves you energy or provides you ease, grace or joy, it is serving you by increasing your quality of life. If something requires more energy to maintain than is saved or returned to you, then you are serving it. If that’s the case, it’s time to consider letting the item go as it may no longer serve a true legitimate purpose in your life. Whatever our “stuff” is, it took energy and resources to create it and now that energy can be sitting stagnant on your shelf, drawer, closet or garage floor. Get it back in the flow where someone who can be served by it is waiting.
Albert Einstein once said “Nothing happens in the Universe until something moves.” The Laws governing abundant flow in our lives are very much aligned with that principle. For flow to occur in our lives, we must allow flow. This includes both incoming and outgoing flows. By initiating an outgoing flow we make room in our lives for the incoming good. If we want more good in our lives, we can start by releasing that which no longer serves us. This frees us from carrying the burden of the old and opens our awareness and our environment to be aware of and receive the new abundant good.
If you are ready for more abundant good in your life, find that which no longer serves you and release it.
If there is something constantly taking your resources to maintain it or work around it. Why keep putting up with it?
That dog carrier? It went to a good home – a young lady on freecycle who needed a way to get her rabbit to the vet. Other bags, boxes and clothes went to charity so they could leverage the benefit for someone else’s needs.
Here are a few resources:
Non-profit Thrift Stores
http://www.arcthrift.com/
http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/
http://www.goodwill.org/
Homeless Charities List
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Homelessness_charities
One on One giving