Posts Tagged: Wrong Motivation
The Dark Side of Goals – Does having a preference hold you back?
Most of us have grown up hearing that one must have a goal to succeed. While having goals gives us a target or a direction, does that very step towards success have a darker side – one that potentially limits our success?
Goals have a long history in our culture of being the mother of all of signposts on our path. Hitting our goal was, well… the goal. Meeting that particular expectation might be seen as a successful milestone on the path to our “complete” success – the Holy Grail if you will. If one could just hit their goal, then all would be perfect in their world. We have blogged in the past on how that is backwards thinking. But this is not to say that goals are a bad thing. Just like anything in our world, there is a light and a dark side – a Yin and Yang. Anything we label as “good” can swing the opposite direction if misused.
Having a preference provides a target for your goal but your attachment to how the end result should look may cause you to miss out on what could actually be the best possible outcome. If you are too fixed on things looking a specific way, you might miss out on better opportunities that pass right in front of you. Your awareness has been fixed and you see only the things you have expected to see, and that is a form of limiting thought. Yes the very goal you set to expand your possibilities is, if misused, limiting thought. It’s limiting you to the standards you set rather than leaving the door open for more.
Let’s assume for a moment that your goal is a $250,000.00 per year job in your chosen field – one that would give you options to help others well beyond your present abilities. The Divine wants the very best for you and the world and has greater good in store for you. Perhaps there is a $750,000.00 position that is just waiting for you, but it’s in a different field. You are supremely qualified for it, and the job listing was right there on the very same page of the job site you were looking at, but you chose to avoid reading that column because it’s a field, title or description that is not in your goal plan. The CEO is looking for someone like you, with your experience and your values, but she never gets to meet you – because your focus is too narrow and you see only what you want to see.
Perhaps the right and perfect connection was the person in line behind you at the coffee house. You know, the one you let in front of you, because your that kind of person, only you chose not to respond in your best-self to their light-hearted chit-chat. A choice you made because they were dressed in an old t-shirt and ratty jeans. After-all what could that person do for your goals? Turns out, Mr. T-Shirt was looking for the connections you could provide and in helping him, something magical would have opened up for you and your “goals” through someone you introduced him to. But he obviously wasn’t part of your plan, so for now we’ll never know for certain.
“God Laughs at Our Plans”
We like to think we’re under control. That when we plan things, they will fall in place like perfectly stacked dominoes. Honestly, how many times have your plans actually gone exactly the way you expected? If you were all alone on a deserted island, you might have a shot at it, but the more individuals you invite into your day, life or event, the greater the likelihood that their thoughts, plans and actions will redirect what you had envisioned. On the other hand, there are countless stories of great things happening to people when they least expected it. But just because they did not expect it, does not mean that they weren’t awake enough to take action when it came along. What if these people chose to say “No thanks, it’s not part of my goal”. Is it enough to learn to expect the unexpected, or should we learn to look for the unexpected? Now move in close and pay attention here as this is the secret: you absolutely must be willing to take action on the unexpected. Without action, it may as well have gone un-noticed and without willingness, the mind will learn to tune it out and go back to the old ways. Taking action does not meen a commitment to the new direction, but it should at least lead to having a good look at it’s potential.
“A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind.” ~ Albert Szent-
Gyorgyi
Truth is, any action we take cascades through our physical world and the potential results are so vast that a mere shift in your awareness, a simple change of mind or differing decision can and will cascade into untold numbers of shifts in your life and the lives of others. The entire human condition today – all of it – what we eat, where we live, the languages we speak and even our religious views are the result of thoughts, actions and decisions made by countless others who came before us. Imagine how different things might be if Christopher Columbus had decided “Meh…enough of this ‘New World’ talk, lets hit the pub for an ale instead!” One decision, or a few negative words have been enough to bring down Presidents, Kings and nations. On the other hand goals and courageous actions have resulted in some pretty amazing shifts in our world, and yes, built a great nation or two.
Shift your awareness to a broader view. As you set your goals, make room in your thoughts and actions for something greater. Be open to see more, do more, and receive more than what your goal includes. As you awareness expands, so will the outcomes.
We would love to hear your thoughts and experiences, so please share in the comments area below.
You can watch a live interview on this topic here.
Who else wants God to stop testing them? – A Path to Peace.
The good news is that the Divine One does not test us – at least that’s my take. Allow me to explain.
God is Love. Love has no need to test — it believes in you completely. God does not lead anyone into temptation, into failure nor into something you are not prepared to handle.
Our master teacher Jesus tells us that God does not judge.
We are all equal in the eyes of the divine. There are no favorites.
God granted us free will. Not kinda-free will, not sorta-free will, not partial-or-when-I-feel-like-it-free will. To say that God has put us in a situation goes against what I understand the Christian Scriptures tell us. Feel free to comment on this or any part of this post below if you have a different interpretation or understanding you would like to share.
The only one testing you is… well, you. Testing is a human concept for the demonstration of understanding. If you believe that the Divine is capable of knowing what is in your heart, then would any test be unnecessary to satisfy God? The actions of Jesus do not appear to support the idea that God tests us. His example appears to be to the opposite. When one or more of the disciples were unsteady in principles, his comments were more around: “Have you no faith?”, “Where is your faith?” The tests were always about them and by them. It was seemingly about their perception of the events combined with their personal faith. Did Jesus say, “this is The Father’s test for you”
We come into alignment with new Truths when we are ready, and if it feels to you like a test, it could be that you are still in a stage where conscious effort is required to apply the new understandings. If it’s not second nature to you yet, don’t sweat it. Be grateful for the opportunity to practice and move through it with grace using the fullest expression of the Truth that you can at that moment.
We may think of it as a test merely because the new awakening or the condition is something that is freshly in our awareness. The opportunities have been there all along, we are just now awake enough to see them. We might think of it as a test because we lack faith in our own understandings. If we doubt ourselves, there is room for some false perception of failure. With the idea of failure in our consciousness, we may unconsciously go looking for opportunities to practice our new understandings. Perhaps ego may be at the heart of this — putting us into situations where we can fail in our growth so ego can survive.
We live truths to the extent of our willingness to do so. Sometimes, for whatever reasoning, we are not willing to step fully into a principle. So we step into a situation where that Truth is to be expressed, we embrace it halfheartedly and the outcome isn’t as wonderful as we would like. Much like when we were a child and were asked to clean our bedrooms. If you weren’t into doing it, and how many of us really had a ‘passion’ for cleaning our rooms, the end result my have been “okay” on the surface but we knew in our hearts we could have done more. We just wanted to get on with it and get back to play time.
To my way of thinking, “test” is merely a label we apply to events in our lives where we feel unsteady. Events where we have a chance to practice understandings that we feel are not our strongest. Have you noticed, when applying a principle becomes second nature, you gradually stop calling it a test? What changed? Well you did, at the very least, your point of view changed. You decided to stop applying the label. If we get to make the call on when it stops being a test, then is it really God submitting the test?
So here is your take away:
We here at Empower-Yourself.com always honor your perceptions on your path. It is YOUR path and you are your own best guide and you certainly get to chose how to walk it. Regardless of your views on life’s “tests”, the ideas below may assist you in bringing personal empowerment and peace into your life.
To live more fully empowered: Stop labeling events as a test. If you are seeing it as a test and have the mindset of “this is for a grade, I better do good”, then you are coming from a place un-empowered – perhaps even a place of fear. If you “do the right thing” because you have chosen to, now you are living empowered. I suspect we all understand how much we prefer to do what we want to do over what we have to do. Feel the difference? Coming from the empowering space makes room for joy, passion and a life of happiness in everything you are doing.
To live more fully in peace: release the idea that events are some test that was manufactured for you and see it for what it is. Just another event in the continuous, unbroken and overlapping string of events we call life. Work through it with the integrity you have and all the Love you can, and you will come through the other side with the highest and best outcome possible to you at that moment.
6 Incredibly Useful Ways to Stop Making Mountains out of Molehills
Over inflating our responses can become such a distraction, we fail to see the truth of the situation. When we step away and allow ourselves to see conditions from heightened clarity, we are in a much better place to make good decisions from an empowered space. Here are six useful ways to stop making mountains out of those molehills.
1) It’s only big if you make it big, so stop making it bigger than it really is: One man’s hill-side is another man’s mountain-side. The difference is perception. If one had only lived on flat ground, then a 300 ft. high hill might appear mountainous. On the other hand, growing up in the Andes on a 14,00o ft. peak, a man might think of a 5,000 ft. peak as a simple hill. In neither case did the size of the hill change, only the perception of it’s size, and perception is a creation of the human imagination. Change the way you think and you change size of the obstacle. Even the largest mountain is traversed one step at a time.
2) Stop stacking it on: When we see a small obstacle as a large one, we sometimes begin piling new obstacles right on top that give us “excuses” for not moving forward.
- Fear leads to inaction
- Lazyness leads to inaction
- We gather evidence that “excuses us from action”
- Guilt develops for not dealing with it right away
- Frustration as deadlines loom
- More Guilt – for lack of action
- More Fear – now that it’s bigger
- More Frustration – “Now how will I EVER deal with this?”
3) Commit to stop seeing obstacles as problems and begin viewing them as “projects”: Any obstacle can be overcome when steps are taken — just like it takes a series of steps required to complete a project. When we label something as a ” problem” we put an imaginary burdening weight on it that can freeze us in our tracks like a deer in the headlights. Start viewing it as a project and the freezing oppression is allowed to fall away. Then our thoughts and efforts are available for motion.
4) Take action in a constructive direction – any action. Just MOVE: Don’t wait for the perfect plan to fall into place. If there was such a thing as a perfect plan, it wouldn’t stay perfect for long anyhow. As we move through the “plan” unforeseen changes are going to arise and alter our course. Knowing this allows us to expect change and this tells us we must remain flexible. And knowing we must be flexible allows space for us to stay out of panic when changes arise. Anticipate change and you have nothing to fear. So stop nit picking a plan and just move! As long as you have forward motion, it will work it’s way out however it needs to regardless of any “planning” you might do. Cease motion however, and the molehill will continue to expand.
5) Stop the whining. Complaining serves only to tell yourself and those around you that you are too weak to change the situation. After all, if you actually had the power to change things, wouldn’t you be putting your efforts into actually changing it? Complaining does nothing but deepen your conviction that something is not going your way and you are powerless to effect change. You DO have the power to change, so empower yourself! Stop complaining and put your mental and physical resources towards a constructive outcome. Constructive behavior leads to smaller hills. Destructive behavior just makes bigger mountains that YOU eventually get to traverse.
6) Multitasking is a myth. We can only focus on one thing at a time. “Multi-tasking” or what I am coining in this very post as: Scatter-Braining™ is merely shifting focus from one task to another and back again – never really putting your best efforts into either one. It’s like trying to run up two hills at the same time, only you have to run back and forth between them to make progress. Just wasted effort. Pick the hill that requires your attention and focus focus focus. When your mind gets going, the mental momentum will build and tasks will get accomplished faster with greater efficacy. Keep flinging your focus around like a sloppy mop and if things do get accomplished, you may find that the efforts don’t meet expectation and you have to revisit them to clean up the spatter. This just means more work and that equals a bigger hill.
Be-Do-Have Part 2 (be do, be do)
Okay, so we chatted about how you have to BE something before you can HAVE it. We received a response requesting some ideas as to how to handle the challenges. I’m going to go there in a future post but for now, let’s really dissect the trouble, okay?
Sometimes, I think, we make spiritual stuff harder than it needs to be and we get frustrated with it because there’s not an end point we can shoot for. (Okay, full enlightenment is great, but I would be happy with making it through the day without thinking bad thoughts about someone else.) It’s really easy to think “my goal is to be nice to everybody, all the time” than it is to live it. And when it gets too hard or too frustrating to try and think in an enlightened way, we use the guilt and shame as whips against our souls. Then we affirm that OBVIOUSLY we’re not worthy of the good in our lives, so why try. Okay, I shortened the process here for the sake of space, but I think you get the gist.
I’m going to liken spiritual learning with something that most of us know a lot about — changing our diet and/or eating habits.
When you first decided that you were going to “change your ways” as far as the food you put in your body, do you remember how you felt? Excited, ready to learn, eager to seek support and more information, and maybe a little apprehensive. There was so much to read and learn and think about that thinking about food/snacks/can have’s/can’t have’s became all consuming. It’s all you thought about and all you talked about. If you’re not eating, you’re thinking about the what and the when of your next snack.
I remember when John and I went off of sugar. The first days were terrible! My head hurt, my body hurt and I was just generally cranky. Going out of the house was a true test. I remember clearly standing in line at the grocery store shocked by all the walls and shelves lined with brightly colored ads for sugary items. So, did the grocery chain find out that John and I were off of sugar and put all of those items in front of us to tempt us or to trip us up? (John says, yes, they did.) No! Those things were already there. I just had not ever noticed them to that degree before.
So, let’s go through my analogy a bit more:
My head hurting — Total entrainment with my previous thought pattern. My human mind was trying to help me to see the error of my ways and convince me that I would feel better if I’d just give up these highfalutin ideas. Eating had come easy all of the previous years of my life, why give that ease up now? This new path is hard and I’m tired.
My body hurting — If the mind can’t get you back, the pressure of the many will! I’m going to equate my body to the tribal teachings (societal agreements) that we’ve all bought into as truth. My body didn’t agree with the mind’s choices and was willing to take some low blows to make me come back into the pack. That’s how tribal teachings work — you go against the flow and you pay the price.
And the crankiness, oh, let’s not forget the crankiness — It’s HARD changing your ways. It’s hard going against everything you understand. It’s hard and everyone should understand how hard it is!!! It’s time consuming and frustrating and …. oh you get the picture.
Now, here’s the part that gives you hope. While the first few days were horrible, the horribleness didn’t last. Eventually, the steps became easier to follow and we weren’t fighting against this new way of being.
Here’s where you ask yourself if we’re still off of sugar………. I’d like to say yes, but I’d be lying. However, we did learn a lot about ourselves and what to eat and what not to eat during that stint. Some of the habits we have today stem directly from that particular diet. So, did we “fail” in our attempt to enlighten ourselves?
I say, no. Enlightenment can come to some in an instant (or so I’ve read) but I believe it’s more of a journey. Are we eating better because we went through this diet process? Yes. Did we learn a few things that we’ll always remember? You betcha! For us, the learning is cumulative. Each time we change our eating habits, more ideas make sense and are easier to follow. Spiritual learning is the same way.
The more you study, the more willing you are to look at, practice and TRY to learn a better way, then more sticks with you and makes more sense to you. One point from a book connects with a talk from a spiritual leader connects with something you hear from an unlikely source. It starts settling into your understanding and you find that you’re not fighting against this new thought process as much.
So, understand that the challenges don’t come up because there’s a “test” or a lesson from the Universe. The things we label as challenges were already there — we were either blind to them or we stepped into them without notice. By deciding that you are going to think in another way and act in a higher way only sheds light on the things in your life that no longer fit in your new mindset. They must be dealt with and released before the “new” way of thinking becomes easier.
In the meantime, enjoy learning something new, stay in the excitement of possibilities and let go of the apprehension.
Make sense? Okay, next time — how not to get stuck in your stuff……..
Be-Do-Have vs. Have-Do-Be
Be-Do-Have. Many have heard this phrase but too often I hear myself, as well as those around me, working on the Have-Do-Be principle.
When I finally HAVE __________ (enough money, enough time, enough energy, a better relationship, a lover, the perfect house, the perfect body) then I will DO ___________ (work out more, work on whatever needs to be corrected, read more, sleep more, clean more, worry less, eat better, love more often, judge less) and I will BE __________(happy, secure, free, peace-filled, loving, healthy, the person I know I should be).
Sound familiar?
This is a trap. A very familiar, well worn, trap. You’re never going to HAVE it all. There’s always going to be something better, greener, thinner, prettier, calmer, and bigger that you’re going to want. This is the way of the human mind. And I want to tell you that it has served you and all of humanity well, thus far. After all, we don’t still live in caves and depend on our hunting and gathering skills to survive, do we?
This longing is why we as a human race have survived and thrived (for the most part) on this planet.
But we are not just substance on this land of substance trying to rise above the next substance. We are spiritual beings exploring this human experience. While HAVING has served our human side well, it doesn’t always serve our spiritual side as well.
You must BE what you want to be. You must BE loving in order to DO loving things in order for you to HAVE love in your world. You must BE peaceful in order to DO peace-filled actions so that you can HAVE peace in your life. You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are! You can’t fake out the Universe.
Yes, we’ve all seen those people who have money and success and they are just horrible people. Seems unfair, doesn’t it? But they obviously are not happy. They need more and more and more to try to fill the void of who they are not. They are driven by the HAVE-DO-BE and there’s not enough in this world to have before they can be. So, they collect and conquer and collect some more. It’s a trap.
You’ve heard the phrase: Happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you have. (I wish I could find who said that but a lot of people are claiming it and I’m not going to try to figure out who coined it.) You must choose happiness right now in order to be happy. You must choose to love no matter what. (Of course, healthy boundaries should not be forsaken for loving unconditionally. Different topic.)
When you choose what you are going to be, you will be challenged in that decision. If you choose to be patience, you will have lots of opportunities to practice patience. If you choose to be love, you will have lots of opportunities to demonstrate your choice to those who you may not want to love.
I believe part of this challenge is that we have awakened our awareness in this area. These same challenges have presented themselves many times before but now we’re trying to react in a different manner. Just like any other new habit you are trying to form, it feels hard to accomplish. It feels like everything is difficult and that people are coming out of the woodwork just to trip you up! Do your best. And realize that when you don’t act the way you wanted to, that at least you were aware that there is a better way available to you.
What qualities of other people do you appreciate? Those same qualities reside in you. Claim those. Breathe those. Realize that you have a choice to make. Today, choose to awaken to who you want to be and then put feet to that awareness and BE that. You will be amazed at what comes your way when first you choose to be your spiritual self!
Einstein’s Flow
Albert Einstein once said “Nothing happens in the Universe until something moves.” The Laws governing abundant flow in our lives are very much aligned with that principle. For flow to occur in our lives, we must allow flow and an easy first step is to initiate the flow with an outgoing gift.
Anonymous Giving
Spiritual teachings of many cultures emphasis the importance of giving in an anonymous way. Anonymous giving, or what is sometimes called “Righteous Giving” in Christian teachings or “Perfection of Giving” in Buddhism is a form of flow with no strings attached – no expectations of reciprocation and free of wrong motivation. If we expect reciprocation, is it truly a gift? If we expect to be honored for the giving we are feeding ego and thus not giving in the highest intention. If you are looking for status or prestige, check your motivations.
Matthew 6:1-4, “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
Sufi sheikh Kabir Helminski states: “The Prophet Muhammad said, ‘the best of my people will enter paradise not because of their achievements, but because of the Mercy of God and their being satisfied with little for themselves and their extreme generosity toward others.’ “
Detachment
We give it with the highest intentions and completely let it go. If we hold expectations on the gift, in a way we are still attaching ourselves to it, have we really given it away? By releasing attachments and expectations we are allowing Divine Spirit to lift the end results to higher levels than we could ever anticipate. Attaching expectation is a “My way or the highway” mentality, and who are we to judge what the recipients best interests really are? They know their life needs better than we do and certainly so does the Divine.
You may find it helpful to say a little prayer of intention and release as you give.
“Diving Loving Spirit, I am eternally grateful for the abundant flow of good in my life and the opportunity to share the good with others. I release this gift into your Loving Guidance knowing that the highest and best possible outcome is unfolding right here, right now. For this I say thank you God. Amen!”
To be in the flow it is vital to be open to the many ways you can receive. Being in the receiving position of flow shows up many ways you may not have previously viewed as Divine Flow. When that co-worker offers to buy you lunch, accept it! Someone offers to pay you for gas in exchange for a ride, accept it. When we refuse these gifts we are creating two powerful blocks to flow:
- We prevent the other person from experiencing their highest potential for flow.
- We are telling consciousness that we don’t want flow in our lives.
By limiting others giving to us, we stand directly in the way of their choice to be fully in the flow. They want to give and we are taking that away from them. Accepting their gift is not placing a burden on them, but rather providing them with joy. If you are triggered by receiving, change your mind. If not for yourself, at least do it for them.
Once we open to receive, greater things will come to our attention. Not because new things are there – the abundant flow has been there all along, but because we have begun the process of aligning our consciousness with flow. We awaken to see now what we did not see before. By refusing to receive we tell our consciousness that we choose to step out of the flow – that we no longer wish to see the abundance of good that is always present, just waiting for us to open our hands and arms to receive.
Here is a wonderful metaphor that exemplifies the power of shifting awareness:
Driving home from the auto dealer you become amazed at just how many of the same model of car there are on the roads. They seem to be everywhere and you wonder why you had not noticed them before. As you ponder this you pull onto your street and discover that the family two doors down has one in their driveway and it’s been there all along.
If you drive, the chances are very good you have experienced something very close to the example. This is shifted awareness. Now that you are consciously alert to the model of the car, you see them where you had not seen them before. This is just the way our minds work. Seeing opportunities in life such as flow is no different. Change your mind, change your life.
If you are ready to see greater good in your life, actively start the ball rolling. Move something in the universe and be open to receive.
Some simple anonymous gifts:
An envelope with some cash or a gift card mailed to a family experiencing lack with a nice unsigned note.
Donation / Tithe to a spiritual center that spiritually feeds you or someone you know.
The Starbucks Effect: Pay for the coffee or meal of the person in the drive-through behind you.
Visit department stores and offer to pay towards the lay-away of needy families. The clerks will often have an idea of who might be the most ready to receive.
Share your ideas for conscious and anonymous giving in your comments below!